11 Things to Remember When You Think You’re Not Good Enough

Some days turn out better or worse than others – that’s a fact. But ultimately, the way we feel about our life and ourselves has the biggest impact on the outcome of each day. Happiness and confidence can create outcomes that exceed our expectations, like a continual ray of sunshine even on a cloudy day.

But, when we are down on ourselves, especially when we think we are not good enough, life can easily and quickly take a turn for the worse. We can unexpectedly find ourselves entrenched in a deep, dark hole. When we repeatedly allow ourselves feel this way for days, weeks or even months at a time, it can have detrimental effects on our happiness, health, relationships, and careers.

INFP and INFJ: Being Alone Together

by philipbullitthughes

All introverts share a common need: time spent alone in order to recharge, reflect, and decompress. So deep is the need in the INFP and INFJ that if neglected, they begin to experience lethargy—a fogging of the mind, if you will.
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Of course, with personalities so complex as the INFP and INFJ nothing is ever simple. For them, seclusion is a need of peak importance. Unfortunately, so is a need for deep and meaningful relationships. They are often torn between needing to spend time alone, while simultaneously wishing they could be with a friend or loved one.

Why Fall In Love?

Love calls us to a different destiny beyond the usual.
Mari Ruti<

In a recent interview, I was asked why I thought it was important to fall in love. The question took me by surprise because, despite the fact that I've written about love a lot, I would never want to imply that everyone should fall in love - that life is somehow incomplete without love. Our culture is already so love-obsessed that the last thing I would want to suggest is that those who are not coupled up are missing out on something essential.

Because You Feel Sad Doesn't Mean You Have to Be Sad

"Further complicating our ability to put our feelings in front of the witness, we believe that our emotions are fundamental to who we are. We think that if we feel sad, we are sad, if we feel unworthy, we are unworthy, and so on. The combination of our belief in the truth of our feelings along with our propensity to identify with them, makes emotion the hardest aspect of the mind to become mindful of, the trickiest play of the mind to get behind and see clearly.

In order to be mindful of our emotions, some part of us must have the ability to watch our feelings, be with our feelings, and feel for them… all without actually becoming them. Can we relate with our sadness without feeling entirely sad, be with our sense of unworthiness from a place that doesn’t share the unworthiness? This would imply that some part of us could remain separate from and larger than even our strongest emotions."

Read more: http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/inviting-monkey-tea/201402/because-you-feel-sad-doesnt-mean-you-have-be-sad

Is Love Meant to Make Us Happy?

by Mari Ruti 

Although we are culturally programmed to view romantic love as the answer to life's difficulties, I think that happiness is rarely love's main goal. 

If we expect love to make us happy, we automatically interpret its setbacks and disappointments as a sign of failure. But what if happiness is merely one aspect of love's multifaceted mission?

What if love is more interested in our growth than our happiness? From this perspective, romantic setbacks and disappointments might actually be more effective in accomplishing love's aim than its more triumphant moments.

Now is Not Forever: Weathering Uncomfortable Feelings

By Rachel Trotta

“The only way to make sense out of change is to plunge into it, move with it, and join the dance.” ~Alan Watts

I have often heard the emotional landscape compared to weather—we cannot control it, but we do have power over our reactions to it. Rain is not a disaster if I remember to bring an umbrella… or don’t mind getting wet.
...

Being mindful of the transient nature of feelings and events is very important for our emotional health. I can summarize it in one phrase that has helped me tremendously: “Now is not forever.” Addressing this principle in my life has consisted of three primary concepts:

1. Embrace the evolving, shifting nature of life to help gain perspective instead of making generalizations.
2. Take mindful action.
3. Give service.

Read more: http://tinybuddha.com/blog/now-forever-weathering-uncomfortable-feelings/

Why a Failed Relationship Isn't a Personal Failure

by Mari Ruti

Most love affairs are not built to last. When you look at happily-coupled people, it's obvious that many of them had to go through a slew of romantic disappointments before they found a rewarding connection. And we know that many relationships that now seem happy will eventually come to a (sometimes bitter) end.
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So it may be an error of judgment to assume that the mission of love is to make us happy. It may well be that love has other designs, other objectives, that are much more mysterious.
 ....
Sometimes our biggest breakdowns lead to our biggest breakthroughs. In this sense, there are few mistakes in love—no missteps, but merely fresh opportunities for growth and self-development.

Read more: http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-juicy-bits/201108/why-failed-relationship-isnt-personal-failure

5 Things You Should Know About Letting Go

by: Marc Chernoff

Even after you let go, the past is still part of who you are. Every one of us lives in the present and makes choices based on some part of the past. This fact is simply unavoidable. You are only able to read these words right now because of your past. Your brain relates past experiences (or learned knowledge) to these words.

All forms of learning rely on your ability to continually reference the past. If you think about it, many wise decisions you have made leading to this very moment were created through recalling what did or did not work in the past. You are only able to do what you can now because of what you learned. For instance, you only recognize a friend when she walks into the room because you reference a past connection with her. In this way, you are using the past effectively.

10 Reasons to Give More Hugs

1. Hugging induces oxytocin in the body. 
2. Hugging builds stronger bonds with the people you see everyday. 
3. Hugging lowers stress! 
4. Hugging lowers blood pressure.  
5. Hugging is a reciprocal good deed. 
6. Hugging feels incredible!
7. Hugging can turn a bad mood upside down. 
8. Hugging reconnects the mind with the body. 
9. Hugging more makes us better huggers! 
10. Hugging cultivates patience. 

Read more: http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-6586/10-Reasons-to-Give-More-Hugs.html

Looking for Security: We Can Be Our Own Safe Places

By Roo Mulligan

 

I, like many others, thought that my security came from someone else. What I couldn’t understand was that I already had everything I needed to be safe and secure inside. We all do.
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My mom died in 2011 and suddenly the place I called home didn’t exist anymore. I had no base, no safe place, and no rock solid security. I was flying over an ocean with no land in sight.
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I haven’t figured it all out yet. I still grieve for my mother and feel lost at sea at times. While learning to live with the instability, I have come to see that my mother was my safety net but I have been my own home base all along.

3 Ways to Feel Good When Things Seem Bad

By Lisa Esile

“It isn’t what happens to us that causes us to suffer; it’s what we say to ourselves about what happens.” ~Pema Chodron

Here are 3 insights that helped during those “you’ve got to be freaking kidding me” times:

1. There’s a healing side to pain.

When a challenging event happens—a break-up, a sickness, or having your leopard pink car seat covers stolen—the human mind, being what it is, thinks this is why you feel badly.

You hear it all the time: “Oh, you poor thing for losing your car seat covers.” Or, “She’s such a rat to do this to you.”

The truth is, it’s your perception of the situation that makes you feel bad. This means that no matter how crumpled-in and dysfunctional you feel, you’re not. It’s just your thoughts that are a bit wonky. And actually, your thoughts on this were always wonky; the situation just exposed them.

Stress Management

An inspiring story.

~ ~ ~

A young lady confidently walked around the room while leading and explaining stress management to an audience; with a raised glass of water, and everyone knew she was going to ask the ultimate question, 'half empty or half full?'..... She fooled them all... "How heavy is this glass of water?” she inquired with a smile.

Answers called out ranged from 8 oz. to 20 oz.

She replied, "The absolute weight doesn't matter. It depends on how long I hold it. If I hold it for a minute, that's not a problem. If I hold it for an hour, I'll have an ache in my right arm. If I hold it for a day, you'll have to call an ambulance. In each case it's the same weight, but the longer I hold it, the heavier it becomes." She continued, "and that's the way it is with stress. If we carry our burdens all the time, sooner or later, as the burden becomes increasingly heavy, we won't be able to carry on."

The 4 Major Roadblocks to Happiness

by Gregory L. Jantz, Ph.D.

A recent Harris poll revealed that only 33 percent of Americans are very happy. If happiness is a natural state of being, why is this number so low? What is keeping us from being happy? Below are four “happiness roadblocks” that might be inhibiting your bliss.

1. Unfulfilled Expectations
2. Keeping Score
3. Stress
4. Unresolved Relationships  

Take time to examine your expectations, grudges, stresses and unresolved relationships in your life. Consciously evaluating these four aspects in your life and making small steps to equalize your imbalances can greatly augment your overall happiness.

Read more: http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/hope-relationships/201405/the-4-major-roadblocks-happiness

4 Good Reminders When You’ve Had a Bad Day

by: Angel Chernoff

There will be times when it seems like everything that could possibly go wrong is going wrong.  And you might feel like you will be stuck in this rut forever, but you won’t.  When you feel like quitting, remember that sometimes things have to go very wrong before they can be right.  Sometimes you have to go through the worst, to arrive at your best.

Yes, life is tough, but you are tougher.  Find the strength to laugh every day.  Find the courage to feel different, yet beautiful.  Find it in your heart to make others smile too.  Don’t stress over things you can’t change.  Live simply.  Love generously.  Speak truthfully.  Work diligently.  And even if you fall short, keep going.  Keep growing.

1. YOU are okay. You are just a little stronger now.
2. You are far more capable than you think.
3. The struggle is the path, and it leads to better days.
4. Taking the next step is always worth it.

Read the transcript: http://www.marcandangel.com/2014/04/09/4-good-reminders-when-youve-had-a-bad-day/

9 Things to Stop Doing During Hard Times

by: Marc Chernoff

The most beautiful smiles are often the ones that once struggled through the tears. 

Regardless of what you’re struggling with – a major tragedy or a minor personal battle – it’s time to STOP…

1. Hiding from the truth.
2. Gripping tight to the fantasy of a pain-free life.
3. Revisiting the past over and over in your mind.
4. Holding on to who you were before the storm.
5. “Worrying” or “thinking” a situation into something worse than it is.
6. Acting like it’s not OK to smile.
7. Giving in and giving up as soon as the going gets tough.
8. Wanting to have all the answers.
9. Obsessing yourself with negative news.

Read more: http://www.marcandangel.com/2014/04/06/9-things-to-stop-doing-during-hard-times/

10 Things to Remember When You Feel Lost and Alone

by: Marc Chernoff

“Being alone never felt right.  Sometimes it felt good, but it never felt right.”
―Charles Bukowski

Here are some things to keep in mind when you feel lost and alone:

1. You are not alone in being alone.
2. Sometimes when you’re lonely, you need to be alone. 
3. You have to be a little lost first to find what you’re looking for. 
4. It’s all about accepting the reality of what is. 
5. In every situation, YOU choose your attitude.

How to Find Clarity When You’re Confused About What to Do

By Dr. Amy Johnson

“Nobody can give you wiser advice than yourself.” ~Cicero 

You know that state of confusion where you feel really unsure about what to do—you’re talking about it with all of your friends, making lists, weighing options, lying awake all night? As truly confused and unsure as you may feel in those moments, you’re not. You have much more clarity than you think.

Re-read that last line again. You have a lot more clarity than you think. You see, clarity is what you are. It’s what you’re born with, it’s your true nature, and it’s what is always there underneath the mess of confusing thought that sometimes dances on the surface. 

Confusing thought is there in spades. Being lost in your own personal thought is what produces the feeling of confusion. But are “you” actually confused? Nope, not in the least.

Read more: http://tinybuddha.com/blog/how-to-find-clarity-when-youre-confused-about-what-to-do/
 

Rest Your Weary Head

Too much on your mind? Clear it out. 
by Rick Hanson, Ph.D. 

When your thought processes are tired, it doesn't feel good. You're not relaxed, and probably stressed, which will gradually wear down your body and mood.

How can you rest your weary head?
Routinely check in with yourself and ask: What am I thinking about? Is this productive? Do I want to keep thinking about this?

Read more: http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/your-wise-brain/201403/rest-your-weary-head

Experts Debunk Popular Sleep Myths

"Exercising before bed will make it hard for you to settle down."
"Dozing off to the TV is the worst thing you can do."
"Almost everyone needs eight hours."
"Only some people are affected by caffeine before bed."
"Insomniacs can catch up on their lost sleep during the day."
"Sleeping pills will knock you out for the entire night."
"A perfect night's sleep is one long, luxurious snooze."
"A glass of wine before bed will help you sleep better."

Read more: http://www.oprah.com/health/Experts-Debunk-Popular-Sleep-Myths

Quotes for INFP

People understand me so poorly that they don’t even understand my complaint about them not understanding me. - Soren Kierkegaard

Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it. - Rumi
 
What a liberation to realize that the ‘voice in my head’ is not who I am. Who am I then? The one who sees that. - Eckhart Tolle

And above all, watch with glittering eyes the whole world around you because the greatest secrets are always hidden in the most unlikely places. Those who don’t believe in magic will never find it. - Roald Dahl